How is it going you all? It's been a long couple of weeks. April is down with Mono but still sort of functioning. I can't say enough good about our church which has been above and beyond the call of duty in supporting us through this time. Especially given the distance that we live from most of the people in the church. It's not easy to bring meals or be a help but they are a help and it's greatly appreciated. Just when I was starting to loose my faith in mankind, some people amaze me with their kindness. Thanks to all who were there for us.

There are other things going on that I don't know that I feel comfortable talking about on the great world wide web. I have wondered why God has allowed things and why some things, important things I think never did work out. Also I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety over things that are just floating out there in the ether waiting to happen, or not. It's all scary stuff or could be. I've had to come to the realization that problems are not commentaries on God's love for me. He loves me no matter what. Or at least I'm trying to still convince myself that that's true. It's hard for me to feel loved all the time by most people. Although feeling like I am a total oddball doesn't help things. I know I'm not the best Christian, the best father, husband, son in law, or the most articulate or even popular, however, I have to say that most people at church now are all different in their own sort of way and not all the same with the same background, same interests, same fears, same jobs. There's nothing wrong with that I guess unless you are not the same or have a greatly different perspective or experience. It used to be terribly important to me to be the same as the people I looked up to, maybe even worshipped, but frankly I think I scared most of them with the weight of what I wanted (whatever it was that I wanted). I think that it's human nature to gravitate towards people that are the same as ourselves but in a church or in a church organization, (BMA) I think it's wrong and I think that God is going to have something to say about it, maybe someday. Anyway, not my problem anymore. We need to be able to accept, even as friends, those people that are not like us, who have the scars of sin, for the sake of Christ's kingdom. If we can't do that than we are pretending to be evengelistic and that's not good. If I had one wish this fine day it would be to know who I was, be confident in who I was, know where I was going.