It's been a really nice day. This morning we went to church and I opened the sunday school hour. The lesson was out of Acts where God raised Dorcas from the dead. I suppose there were about a million different things that we could have some with that. I tried not to say anything too contraversial even though April said that I didn't make a really good spiritual point. Oh well. It was safe anyway.

In the Mennonite culture, it's acceptable to be contraversial but you have to do it in an appogetic way or keep it to yourself. It's just easier not to put anything out there that is contraversial. You are expected to be like everyone else. I have some theories about things; things that we as Mennonites hold dear to our hearts that it would be truly contraversial were I to say anything about them no matter how appologetic it was said. I will give an example (without mentioning names of course). Once I was standing in a circle with 2 preachers when the subject of neck ties came up. Well, without thinking about it I put forth my opinion not thinking that it would be a problem. I said, and still say, that God does not have one single problem with the neck tie and that the no-necktie thing is tradition. It got quiet and the subject was changed without so much as a minor discussion. I think that I can disagree with someone and still be their friend. Appearently, I didn't learn quick enough that that wasn't the case. We all must be the same in order to be brothers.

Another example, SMBI. It might be different now but when I was there in the early 1990s, having learned my lesson - sorta, to a point , tried to be like everyone else (as best as I could being my mother's son) and was actually able to do this for a couple of weeks kinda, then I reverted back to being myself, which I will admit can be a little off the norm, whatever that is. For someone that only ever wanted to be accepted I made the exact opposite happen by being a little too free with my opinions, being a little too free about the facts of my childhood/lineage, and being a little too free with certain facts about my life before Christ, and yes I will admit it by being way too sensitive (a problem that I think I have conqured for the most part). I will agree to a point with those that say the name-thing wasn't much of a factor and that no one really judged me by my name (Englisch as it is). However, it didn't exactly help when I was the only Engishman in a 500 yard radius when the fear kicked in that I had once again messed it all up. 

The point of all that is this. I have decided, a long time ago actually, that I was going to never again pretend to be someone or something I'm not. I'm not going to be an abnoxious jerk or whatever but the next time I go to BMA convention and get that stupid confused look at my out-of-context, English name, I'm not going to appologetically repeat it and I'm also not going to let it bother me (ok, maybe a little).